Mind of an orchid

Darn!! does it have to really be this hard?? I have lived this story and loved every minute of it but telling it and making it an interesting read is proving a nightmare. I was tagged by noon many moons ago to do our engagement story. For the record, we were never really officially engaged but that doesn't mean there isn't a story. In fact I have to warn you - ours is a love story that could very well be the script of a Bollywood romance flick. Indeed a full bodied story with all the requisite ingredients - love, drama, action, song and dance!! Be forewarned that I own the copyrights to this story before you think of making a quick buck by selling the script to Yash Raj films!!

Flashback to the spring of 97 (yup, we've known each other for 10 yrs now!!)my undergrad days. The sophomore class was in charge of organizing the annual inter-collegiate extravaganza and the Orchid was ordained as the compere-the event was the semifinals of the dance competition. Uj and a couple of his friends were the appointed judges since they had won the title a couple of years ago (since then they had graduated and moved on to more meaningful pursuits in life??) And no, he was not a student of my college, he was from an entirely different college that trained students in an entirely different profession!(I told ya-aditya chopra would love this!!). Anyway, getting back to the day off- boy sees girl, girl sees boy, pleasantries are exchanged and boy goes about judging(the contestants of course) and the girl goes about compering, the night ends and each return to their own nests. Next day dawns, it is night of the grand finale and the place is abuzz with activity, raw excitement everywhere and the air is thick with love (oops!did I forget to mention it was the day after Valentine's---- I know, I know Aditya Chopra can smell the greenbacks already!! but there is more)

Uj is back looking very stoic in his black tie yet looking adequately ubersexual to melt many a heart. My man, he is no Clooney and definitely no metrosexual poster boy but he cares a great deal for personal appearances, he does. And till date, one look at him and you will know the man knows style! The Orchid is back too, donning a gaudy magenta saree, a ridiculous coiffure and a bronzed look! Hey, it was all the beautician's idea not mine!! And so the ubersexual hunk absolutely fails to recognize the overdone Orchid and this is just day 2- so much for a love story right? Anyway after frantic reassurances that I am indeed the Orchid underneath the gazillion layers of makeup, a not-so subtly-amused judge goes back to judging.

What followed remains a dull haze in my memory. The background seems blurry- the people, the confusion, the loud music, the lights, the color, the activity seem distant today or did I chose to intentionally white them out just so I could remember one thing and one thing only- the image of a good looking young man sitting in the front row looking a tad bored and a tad amused. Every time I went up on the stage to announce the next contestant we locked eyes- we theorize differently about this- he claims it was just to make sure that we both had the right names on our list while I claim it was because HE was already in love! That's still an unsettled issue between us.

The night rolled on and following the dance competition was the fashion show and this time I was one of the models!! It was only months later I realized that while I was busy traipsing around in a backless halter that night my future in laws (who both happened to be professors in my college)were right there in the audience but to my advantage my MIL claims even to this day that what she saw was what she liked- the bold, confident, no-nonsense persona and that's why she gave Uj the go-ahead when he told her he had found his match! Anyway, the show ended that night and as everyone was packing up, Uj walked right up to me and stopped to say a quick goodbye. An entirely gentlemanly exit,nothing more! No, we did not exchange numbers and I don't think the thought crossed either of our minds that night. And then I forgot all about the guy in the black tie.

A couple of weeks later there was an invitation for a dance party which I promptly turned down. The semester was almost drawing to a close and I was getting ready to go home in a couple of days. But when Cupid decides to strike there's no stopping! Thanks to a persistent friend (my junior actually) I ended up going to the party that night.
......to be continued

..... and before you think this is totally vain, go read TheMadmomma on mommy bloggers and baby pictures!

Enjoying your thanksgiving, everyone?? It is rather low key at the Orchid household. Li'l A is spending the day at a cousin's place today being my second post op day. Yes, I had another surgery this week but this time they only got to work on those troublesome sinuses. And if you are a sucker for complicated medical terminology, here is what they did - Bilateral maxillary antroostomy with septoplasty with bilateral submucous resection of the turbinates, a mouthful or what? Anyway, other than sore throat from the anesthesia, 2 extremely clogged nostrils from all the packing and the bleeding, a right sided ear ache which is getting worse by the minute, a super dry mouth from all the mouth breathing that I have been doing for the past 48 hrs and a head that feels like it weighs a 100 tonnes I feel o.k!! No really, I still feel like I have plenty to be thankful for - wonderful friends who have stopped by each evening serving us food and companionship, a cousin and his family who made thanksgiving special for Li'l A and of course Uj who has been by my side throughout this ordeal. Y'know you married a good guy when he lets his wife sleep off the pain and gets to work cleaning the fridge!
So, yeah thanksgiving has been mostly about saline rinses, hot liquids and some good old music (the Bette Midler kind).

I have a couple of hours before Li'l A gets back home and what better way to spend it that finishing up a tag passed on to me by Fuzzy who herself did a mighty fine job in a typical fuzzy logic fashion. I have seen it done brilliantly at a few other stops as well, so, if you haven't already heard them all, here's my take.

1. How do you feel after a one night stand? Whaddaya mean? Don’t they sell night stands in pairs??

2. Do you ever get used to wearing a thong? Which ones? G-string, V-string, traditional, t-back string, or low rise?? Or were you referring to the material? Fleece, silk, cotton, lycra, spandex, or satin??

3. Does it hurt? You mean you’ve never tried the male thong???

4. Do you know when you are acting crazy? Nope, but then again it’s not me it’s the estrogen!

5. Does size really matter? Aha! You would like to know, wouldn’t you??

6. When the bill comes are you still a feminist? You’d really like that, won’t you??

7. Why do you take so long to get ready? It wouldn’t take that long if you helped tidy up, put everything in place, load the dishwasher and get the kid ready (FYI, all this is part of getting ready too y’know! )

8. Do you watch porn, too? Too?? we don’t need to do every thing that you do!

9. Will something from Tiffany’s solve everything? Damage control, eh?? Depends on how big the damage is and how many carats the control is. I’d say you shouldn’t even bother if it is not at least a couple of carats, clear and purple!!

10. Are guys as big of a mystery to you as you are to us? You mean with all the scratching, farting and watching porn that “You” do?? No, I don’t think there is much of a mystery left at all!

11. Why do you sometimes think you look fat? You mean like that time when we watched the football game with you and ended up eating all the nachos??

12. Why are you always late? You say late, I say worth the wait….

13. Does it bother you when we scratch? No, at least you don’t rub yourself against a post!

14. Do you wish you could pee standing up? No, I think it was a wise trade-off. We settled for the brains while you settled for that thing that lets you stand and pee!

15. Why do so many women cut their hair short as soon as they get married? Losing a few strands of hair doesn’t mean much when you’ve already been served a life sentence!

16. How often do you think about sex? One sexual thought every 19,200 seconds! What you don’t believe me ?? it’s a fact!

17. What do you think of women who sleep with guys on the first date? You mean the same first date where the guy is usually heralded as a hero and the woman is named a slut?? I’d just blame it on too much alcohol!

18. Would you? I don’t drink that much!

19. Do you realize every guy wants a girl just like his mom? Of course, you really are clueless about most things in life!

20. Why does every woman think she can change him? Hope is a wonderful thing, after all!

21. Does it matter what car I drive? Nope, just as long as I get to drive my favorite set of wheels!

22. Do you ever fart? Yes, we pass gas..we just don’t have an amplifier attached to our behinds, that’s all! And we don’t gloat about it like “YOU” do!

Friday evening - went shopping with a girl friend, Friday night - watched a Mayan action/adventure with friends. Saturday afternoon - invited a few friends over for lunch. Saturday afternoon-watched a Chinese adaptation with friends. Saturday night-watched a Hindi romance flick with friends. Saturday late night - watched a Hollywood thriller with Uj (and yes, we have seen this before!). Sunday evening took Li'l A to a carnival. Sunday night-watched a Spanish drama with Uj! Can somebody turn that T.V off already!
All that movie overdose has rendered me acutely incapable of writing anything even remotely interesting and god knows I tried!! So, I am going to have to let you suffer through this post for now. I am taking a short blog break..I need to go detoxify! Be good while I am gone! And if I not back soon enough then have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Thanks to my previous post, I am feeling this enormous compunction that I don’t write enough about Li’l A on this blog. I know, I know, I said this is not a mommy blog but guilt does work in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?

I don’t even know where to begin. Of course, Li’l A is your typical 4 yr old-rambunctious, exuberant, and zappy. Needless to say, he likes anything that is cacophonous and loves everything that lets him bounce off the walls. On a day when my nerves are totally shattered (by the endless screaming, jumping, bouncing, fidgeting), I reassure myself with the fact that he has my genes so it can’t be all bad but then the little voice in my head reminds me about the “other set of chromosomes” and that’s when panic sets in.


He loves superheroes- a classic 4 yr old’s fascination! And this is where I struggle trying to explain the difference between fantasy and reality. “No honey, you can’t actually spin webs with the flick of your wrist. No, not even when you put your Spiderman costume on!”

He loves to swim. Did I say he got my genes?? Well, I was definitely not referring to the swimming genes because I don’t have any! Nope, none at all! I mean I can’t even begin to explain what a totally non-aquatic person I am. However, that is going to be remedied soon since I plan to sign up for PHED 1114 – Swim lessons for-the-terrified-of-water course in the Spring! Getting back to Li’l A, his love affair with the water is something else! And what a difference a year makes too! Last year, when we vacationed in the Mauritius, we had to haul a kicking, fighting toddler into the pool every time and he hated it. But since then he has been taking lessons at the Y and now my Li’l Eel (yes he has graduated from pike to eel) can’t seem to get enough of it!

He loves taking pictures. That’s right and he's a darn good photographer! And I discovered that recently too. Last weekend we were at the arboretum and after he turned down my incessant cries to pose for pictures, I just gave him the camera. And boy did he click! I have never enjoyed looking at pictures as much as I did those set of pictures that he took. Looking at the world through the eyes of a four yr old is truly wondrous!

He loves reading. I have already written about Li’l A’s love for books in a previous post and here is an excerpt
“To me the most fascinating thing about life is to watch your child, your creation grow and evolve. And I believe books provide the best estimate to your child’s development. Initially it is a smile, a noise when they see the pictures, then it is recognition and association, later it is putting imagination to words and telling their own stories by looking at familiar images and finally it is reading and of course understanding. I have a long way to go with A but we have the most fun when I read to him. He is a very perceptive child and I love to hear what he has to say, sometimes the stories are rewritten in his own words and the frog doesn’t always turn into a prince but I enjoy that too. I read and he absorbs everything like a sponge with wide eyed enthusiasm. He cares to remember things that I will not, like the names of Hanuman’s parents-Anjana and Kesari. I read, he learns and believes, and one day he will read, soon.”
That day is here and he is reading now! In fact he started sometime back and now he can read entire books and in his own words “ I can read a book all by MYSELF!” and what fun it is too to watch him read and to bond with him all over again over books.

So there you have it, a li’l update on Li’l A. I think for now we are in a happy zone, the messy diapers are a thing of the past and the rebellious teenager is a concern of the future. Right now we are just being mother and child, building some happy memories and learning from each other every day.


And of what use is a parenting update if there is no link! I found this on the www and although it reads “What should a 4 yr old know” I think this is true of children any age.

What does one do on a lazy Sunday afternoon? Run a SWOT analysis on one’s blog, of course! That’s right people, I mean business!
No really, I started this blog after I read 2 (that’s right, only two!) posts by this author. I did not know the first thing about blogging. But there I was, a few clicks of the mouse later, with my own blog. The empty page and the blinking cursor staring me in the face – o.k I needed to write. I took the plunge almost instantly but had no clue how long I was going to stay afloat. Maybe one day the whim would disappear just as miraculously as it had appeared. Till then, I decided to escape the insanity that my life sometimes is through words and this time written words. Thus began my journey in the blogosphere. Did I have a message? Did I have a defined identity? Did I belong in any particular category? Did I have a goal? Today I am at post # 143 and the answer is still a big NO! So, am I simply wasting my time and everyone else’s? In an attempt to find an answer, I took a few steps back and did what I probably should have done before I created the “Mind of an orchid” – stopped at sites like this and read articles like this and this bought me to the SWOT analysis. And here is what I uncovered

S- Strengths- This blog is one-of-a-kind, insightful, hilarious, informative, collaborative, creative …….hmmm, I am in some serious sh*t, am I not? But, the silver lining? You guys!! who keep coming back to read- no seriously, why do you?

W-Weaknesses- This blog is not the “traditional” mom blog(but then I never meant for it to be). This blog is not the “traditional” personal blog (since I end up writing more about Li’l A and Uj and sundry other things, remember that post on Bald Britney??) This blog is not the “traditional” Indian blog although the author is! This blog is sometimes often totally lame…o.k, o.k more trouble in Orchidland, I get it, time to move on.

O- Opportunities. Now this is easy, opportunities exist to up the quality, the quantity (???), the consistency, the humor quotient, and the creativity. Not to worry folks, with Li’l A actually turning out to be Calvin’s twin and Uj growing more senile by the minute there is plenty of blog fodder- if only Dooce would take me as her apprentice!

T– Threats. Ever heard of the Great Indian Mommy Blog Brigade?? By george! if I could only be half as interesting as any of these women. I mean, they’ve given a whole new meaning to the words poop and boob and that is to say the least! Although I fear for my own existence, I say, you go, moms!

So, what did I actually learn?-that it is likely I am wasting my time and more than likely I am wasting your's!!

Now, do you agree with the SWOT's ?

Are you ready for Deepavali? I thought I was, at least till this morning, till the guys from AT& T showed up.
Isn’t it funny how we men and women are wired to think differently? I mean, for a week now I have been getting ready for the festival, endlessly going over every detail of the spread planned for Friday, in my mind while the only thing on Uj’s mind is getting hi-def T.V before the football season heats up!! So, when the At&t U-verse sales guy showed up at our door the other day (yes, they had someone going door to door selling U-verse-talk about direct-to-consumer marketing!!!), Uj was more than happy. A couple of signatures later, they got their customer, Uj got HDTV, the sun was smiling,the gods were happy and all was good, right? Almost. Only, today was my day for pre-Deepavali cleaning and today is when the scheduled installation is! I mean everyone (everyone except Uj of course) knows that Deepavali begins with some good nitty-gritty house-cleaning. After all, it’s an annual opportunity to clean out the closets and take inventory of what’s lacking in fall-wear, to clean out the pantry and see how many more of those gorgeous snapware containers I need, to clean out the linen closet to see how soon I need to make that trip to buy those space-saver-under-the-bed-vacuum totes, well you get the picture, don’t you? But then you propose and the friendly AT &T guys dispose! It’s 3 hours (or so it seems), the house looks like it’s been hit by a tornado with wires strewn everywhere. Of course, argues Uj, “When they are done honey everything will be wireless!?!?!!” I am on a level RED panic mode right now but Uj is visibly thrilled. Why wouldn’t he be, the next time the colts and the patriots go at it, he can watch them in action on Hi-def! That’s the only thing that ever really matters, sports!!!!
Aaaarghh!! Can someone make these men (Uj included) leave so I can get on with that festival already!
And Happy Deepavali folks, hope yours is happier than mine!



Made by Andrea Micheloni

So, Halloween's gone. What next? Thanksgiving? No wait, there's Deepavali next week. Indeed, biculturalism is a reality now. And it would be perfectly o.k too if it was limited to the observance of festivals and holidays. But being an Indian parent raising a child born in America and attempting to create that perfect amalgam of cultures is an entirely different ball game. Till recently, the acronym ABCD meant only a reference to some remote acquaintance but not anymore. Li'l A is an ABCD too! Now I look past the humor behind the acronym and wonder if there is really a disparaging side to it and if yes what it really means for us and for him? He belongs to the coconut generation and he is supposedly "White" on the inside and "Brown" on the outside and that means he has to live up to our expectations that are almost entirely Indian and at the same time try to make peace with his own perceptions that will be entirely American. So, is he going to grow up in a befuddled little world of his own? And are the problems only going to get harder as the years roll by? Will he have to deal with crises in terms of identity, lifestyle, language, accent, etiquette,values and beliefs? Will he belong neither "here" nor "there"? And one day will he face a more difficult and serious question like "Who am I"? I think the answer to all of these questions and more is "Yes". And so, the confusion is inevitable and adding considerably to this confusion is us, the parents- we are novice parents dealing with parenting issues on one hand and immigrant uncertainties on the other hand.

It is true that I am a young mom and probably foster more liberal upbringing thoughts compared to other Indian parents. To me the American culture is an experience I have mostly enjoyed. I am still learning and will only continue to do so through the experiences of Li'l A. I am also more accepting of the ways of my adopted country but at the core I am an Indian with very Indian values and there is no denying that my parenting style is largely influenced by these values. I already find myself imposing a certain amount of Indian-ness when I parent my child. It is understated but there nonetheless. The expectations are mostly Indian in matters such as academics, religion, and spirituality and I do my best to bring the Indian experience to Li'l A. And then there is also the deluge of cultural products such as music and films but I wonder if any of this is going to make Li'l A a little more Indian or only add to the ambivalence. Surely, there is more to being the "Authentic Indian" than wearing Indian clothes, eating Indian food, watching Indian movies and dancing to Indian tunes? And no, I am not trying to make him one because I realize he is not one, I am just trying to ask a few questions to understand what's in store for us. I don't even want to begin to wonder how much harder adolescence will be because he belongs to a second generation and has a unique ethnic identity. He is different and he is going to feel it. But then again, I take comfort in the fact that he is not alone and that there is a whole generation with him!

Despite all the confusion that a dual identity brings, I want him to grow up to a be a sure-footed young man who will not be limited by definitions. He is not the norm and will not fit into traditional cultural paradigms. The sooner he realizes that, the easier it will be for him to move on or at least I hope so. The confusion has already begun and it is apparent even to him and for now he is handling the rife mispronunciations of his name rather well. Every time he defiantly corrects people and tells them the correct way to say his name, I know that he owns his name even though it is different and if he can continue to extend the same philosophy to everything else that is unique or distinct about him then he is going to be alright.

So, can you point to anymore issues that we may potentially face as the parents of second generation children and is there anything we can do to make life a little easier for them? Go on, have your say.